I had a good birthday. So far fifty isn't too bad. I went kyacking with a friend and son Kris. Then other friends brought over an ice cream cake. Family came and we ate cake. Good day. Planing a trip to McCloud CA for a week. Mom is going with me and Max. I try to keep myself busy. When I'm not busy I think too much and start to sob. This is so hard. The reality still hasn't sunk in. Take a deep breath and go forward.