Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I had a good birthday. So far fifty isn't too bad. I went kyacking with a friend and son Kris. Then other friends brought over an ice cream cake. Family came and we ate cake. Good day. Planing a trip to McCloud CA for a week. Mom is going with me and Max. I try to keep myself busy. When I'm not busy I think too much and start to sob. This is so hard. The reality still hasn't sunk in. Take a deep breath and go forward.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Life Goes On

I was overwelmed by the turn out for Dan's funeral yesterday. Almost every Franklin county patrol car, all of district five's apparatous, Patriot Gaurd. I'm guessing around 400 people.

Today was hard for me. I just try to keep busy so my mind has no time to think. I feel a peace and calmness. I felt such a spirit during the services. The spirit was bearing testimony to me of the gospel and the Plan of Salvation. It will be hard, but I will be ok. I am eagerly anticipating being reunited with Dan some day.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


This is the hardest thing I have ever done. My family and friends have been great. The few friends I called Monday dropped everything and came running to be with me. I can not thank them enough. They made that day and moment easier fo me. At times I stop and think "whatever am I going to do"? Dan supported me in EVERYTHING I did and allowed me to have my adventures. I know he is still there supporting me and wants me to continue enjoying life and having my crazy adventures. My knowledge and testimony of the gospel and the atonement will get me thru this.

I miss him so much.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Dan's funeral will be held on Saturday July 31. Burbank L.D.S. (Mormon) church building at 11:00 a.m. Viewing is Friday, July 30 from 3:00 to 8:00 at Mullers funeral home in Pasco and on Saturday from 10:00 to 10:45.
I already miss him so much. We did so many things together. Who is going to help carry some of my stuff when I go backpacking now? I feel so lonely. My dog, Max won't let me out of his sight. He was right there the whole time. Up on Dan's bed with him or on the big bed by it. I am so blessed to have such a special dog.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Greener Pastures

Dan passed away around 5:00 pm today. The seizures were continuing and he was in lots of pain. The Hospice people were so very helpful. I called them many times. He was getting quite a bit of morphine and something to help with the seizures. All the guys from his shift came to visit either yesterday or today. He also had many other visitors. I know he was aware of the people who came. The morphine had him pretty much out. He was not in pain any more and resting peacefully and calmly. Even our dog Max was there with him. Thank you everyone. I will post info on services.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

F.C. cont.

It has been a long rough day. Some of the deputies he worked with came by for a visit. He enjoyed that. He likes visitors. So please come see him.

We do not know how long. Days, weeks, momths? I'll try to keep this updated. I'm falling asleep in my chair at the computer. Thank you to all who have helped and those who have offered and those who will be helping.

F.C. cont.

Arrangements were made for Hospice down here to contact us and start helping. They came in today to fill out paperwork and go over things. Dan had been having a rough day. What I thought were muscle spasms were actually seizures. Over and over. I'm glad the hospice nurse was there when some were going on. She drove clear back to Walla Walla to get the meds we needed.

Seizures continued. Also pain with them. It is very hard to watch him go through this. We need to get the two under controll so he can be more comfotable.

F.C. continued

On Tuesday they thought Dan had a acute stroke. While nurses were checking vitals he had a bright red bloody stool and was non responsive. Later determined to be a seizure. They did a cat scan right away. Showed nothing. MRI the next morning. Not good.

It showed the cancer is spreading through the brain. This is taking such a toll on Dan's body {as you can tell from the last few months blog posts.} We do not want to put his body through any more. I told them I just wanted to take him home.

Final Chapter

We are home. Dan's MRI he had on Tuesday did not show good things. The cancer has growen and spread. Nothing can be done. We have brought him home. Hospice is already helping. This is going to be my roughest road yet.

Our fire district made arrangements to come pick him up and transport him back home. What a great district we have. And a big thank you to Walla Walla city for doing ambulance coverage for us.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


Dan's blood levels are all staying stable. This means no more blood loss. Vital signs are all stable. They are talking about discharging him tomorrow to a skilled nursing facility. If things stay good this will be the plan.

He is very weak. Do not know how long he will need to be in rehab. His rehab will be done up in the Seattle area.

Thenks to anyone and all who are keeping the "home fires" going at my place.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Dan was moved out of CCU on Sunday. His blood counts are all staying stable. He has had a few more bloody stools, one which was bright red. Not sure what caused this. They have done different tests and scheduled for a colonoscopy in the morning.

When he is discharged he will be doing his rehab in a skilled nursing facility up here. So, as to when he will be home? I don't know. I do know that this hospital will not discharge him until they are satisfied they have the problem taken care of.

If you are up in this area he stop in for a visit. He is in room 755.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Off to V.M.

Dan is now at Virgina Mason in Seattle. I recieved a call about 2:30 a.m. He was having more bloody stools. They called a doctor in a did another endoscope, plus two more units of blood and plattlets. Decieded he needed a procedure that was better done in Seattle. Since he had lost so much blood and blood pressure was unstable. He will be flown there by fixed wing med-star. {Damn, i going to really wish I had got around to buying that med-star insurance}

So, I go home to get my stuff together, pick up my Mom and we head to Seattle. Dan gets a nice plane ride with people attending to his every need. He is settled in and they will watch him overnight. In the morning probably another endoscope then see if the other procedure is needed. Most likely will be.

Will contact his cancer doctor here to let her know. No idea how long we will be here. Hopefully not long. Hopefully they will fix the problem and he can go home in a few days. We are just taking each moment at a time.

Thank you to everyone who is helping out with anything. Keep in touch. When I get this bill we might be accepting donations.

Friday, July 16, 2010


Dan is still in hospital. He had another bloody stool this morning. So another endoscope and more clips on ulcer. In a normal person these would be working. Dan is not normal. {we knew that a long time ago} Right now he bleeds too easily. We will see if these ones work.

Physical therapist did work with his legs a bit this morning. Gave him some stuff he can do on his own. Thru all this Dan remains in good spirits most of the time. Come visit him

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Might be discharged tomorrow. Everything is looking real good. He won't start getting therapy untill Monday though. He will need to work real hard. Then maybe he can come home soon. I miss him here.

Thanks to family, friends and others who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers. Many times that is the only thing that keeps me going. Also I know my Father in Heaven is there with me helping me thru this.

My Uncle Burton called me today. It made my day. If Dan is well enough maybe we will go down to McCloud CA to visit him. Fresh mt air and a gorgeous place. I love it there.

Slowly but Surely

Good day today. Dan's blood counts are going up. Looks like they might have got the bleeding ulcer taken care of. Swelling in legs and feet is practically gone. Dan has really skinny legs now. He is still very very weak. Will need physical therapy for a bit to regain strength.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


One more thing. Please excuse any spelling and/or grammer errors. I'm getting to the point where I somewhat just don't care. Not as picky as I use to be.

Back continued

Dan welcomes visitors. He is in room 4442. Maybe call first to see if he is still there. If not he enjoys visitors at Avalon too. Room 38.

As if I'm not having enough stress. I come home this evening and a sprinkler head on the wheel line has blown off! OK, I can handle this. Where did I put my anxiety, stress pills?????????

Back continued

Wednesday morning. More bloody stools. In for another endoscope. This time it showed active bleeding ulcers. They did something to it. {I have the name written down at the hospital. I'm home.} We will see if this does the trick. Everyone keep your fingers crossed.

As for his swelling. Way down. He has boney knees once again. Urine output has decreased. Since Sunday he has recieved a total of six units of blood. Add that to last weeks four and you get ten total. WOW!

Thru all this Dan continues to feel good. He is confused at time. Some of this is his normal confusion and some is from everything that has been going on. His blood sugar counts look good. They go up after he ears, but that is to be expected.

Back continued

Tuesday another bloody stool. Could just be leftover in the intestines. Swelling in legs and feet is way way down. They are giving him lasix to help with this. It is working. His urine output is really up. This is to be expected. They are keeping close tabs on this to make sure his kidneys are doing ok. Also getting meds to help protect and coat stomach.

Back contiued

{I am doing this in segments because my computor is giving me fits.}

Monday morning he had another endoscope done. This showed some very angry ulcers. Not bleeding at the moment, but definatly had been. They put some clips on them to hopefully stop any further bleeding.


I'm stinkin tired. Dan is back in hospital. Yes, he was just discharged on Friday. Everything was looking really good. Sunday he had dark bloody stool. This usually indicates a bleed in the stomach. His blood counts were down also. So, off to hospital he goes.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

"Get Out of Bed"

Dan was discharged from the hospital yesterday and sent back to Avalon Health and Rehab center. He is doing much much better. The swelling is going down and he is more alert. Monday they will start physical therapy with him.

Today I got him out of bed twice and had him sit in a chair. I even took him down to the shower room and gave him a shower. Not quite as fun as when we were younger!

Tomorrow I plan on having him get out of bed some more. I am hoping to even have him use the walker a tiny bit. He does want to be wheeled down to the dining room to have his meals. Hope he doesn't start a wild food fight.

"Get Out of Bed"


Thursday, July 8, 2010


They did an endoscopy on Dan tody. It showed some ulcers in stomach. They currantly were not bleeding. Most likely had been and this was why he was so anemic. He is continuing to improve. Still lots of swelling on feet and legs. This will all take time to go away. They ae giving him laxic to help.

He is able to move his legs more and more. This is encouraging to him. He is eating well and food has a taste again. At one blood sugar check today it was 98. WOW, within a normal range.

Tomorrow they will try getting him out of bed. I am hoping he will be strong enough to go home instead of back to the rehab place. I find it depressing, sad and sorta stinky.

Thanks everyone for all the prayers, visits, and help around our place. Keep up all this.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Back in the hospital

Dan is in hospital again. This morning at the rehab center they did his labs. He was very, very anemic and his platletts were real real low. The nurse called the doctor; who only comes in on Fridays, he said take him to the ER. The doctor also called his doctor in Seattle and the cancer center here. I talked to his primary care doctor. So, hopefully now all his doctors are on the same page in the same book.

He was admitted to the hospital. He was given four units of blood! He was already looking and feeling better after the first one. He is lots perkier than he has been a week. Things were starting to look better.

I was going to stay the night with him but, deacided to come home, take shower, clean up, make list for peoples of things that need done around my place and get some sleep. Will go back first thing in the morning. They will do some more tests then. They think he is bleeding somewhere internally, but where?

He welcomes visitors. Kadlec hospital in Richland. Room 6609

Monday, July 5, 2010

Life Can Be Really Hard

I am way behind on posting things on this. I will try to do better. Here is what has been happening.

After Seattle and his little setback, Dan started improving. He gained weight, was eating really good and got some strength back. He was able to do some things around the place. Mow lawn, do things some tractor work, even a bit of house work.

Memorial Day he started getting disoriented again. Swelling in Brain? I called his Dr. at the cancer center here and she had me start him on the steriods. Then we saw her a few days later and she set up a schedule for him to taper off of them. Things improved some, but he was very weak and tierd easily. His feet and lower legs were swelling. Big question is why?

July 21st he had an appt. Virgina Mason for his three month MRI and visit with Dr. Taylor. After that we had a planned trip to the San Juan Islands for a few days. My parents went with us. His MRI looked good. No new growth. It did show some scarring from treatment and there is some damage. That was to be expected. Dr. Taylor was puzzled as to why he was not doing better though. The swelling was from the steriods.

We went on up to Orcas Island where we had rented a small vacation cottage right on the water front. I have been there before and really enjoyed it.

By now Dan was using a cane to get around the cottage and a walker for anything else. Each day he seemed to be getting weaker and weaker. Sleeping more and more. By the last day he could not even lift his feet off the ground. He would sit down and we would move his legs to where they needed to be.

We came home on a Saturday. It took three people to get him in the house. He went straight to bed and sleep. Sunday he stayed in bed all day. Monday morning I called both the cancer center and his regular doctor. I took him t his regular doctor that afternoon.

When I told her what had been going on and all his signs and symtoms he checked his blood sugar level. It was over 600 there. She immeadiatly sent us to the ER right across the street and called to tell them we were coming. We got lots of attention quickly. In the ER his blood sugar was 900! Very scary! The high blood sugar did explain a whole lot though.

His was admitted, and got to stay on the newly opened sixth floor. There they gave him fluilds and insulin through IVs. His level started coming down. Still high, but not as scary. This also was caused by the steriods.

He was discharged on Saturday and sent to Avalon nursing facility and rehabilitation center. Here they will do physical therapy with him to get the use of his legs back. He is done with the steriods, but it takes a bit for it to clear out of the body. He is swolled almost all over his body now.

The nursing center is not as nice as the hospital. I have put a few thing in his room to try and make it more home like. Visitors are welcome and even encouraged. They even allow pets, so I can bring Max to see him. {Max is our big black dog} I don't know how long he will be there. I'm thinking at least two weeks. It could be longer, but I hope not.

In the meantime, I am getting by. The young man Reed, who has been staying with us has been a great help. I'm sure this will be a good experience that will help him while he is on his mission. He will be going back home in a couple weeks and then Kris {our son} will be here for a month with a break from college. After that, well I just am planning on Dan being tons better. {if I just plan on it, it will happen right?}

I am plan on doing a better job of posting things. Sometimes it might be about different stuff, but hey read it anyway. Some day I will be a famous author!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Life can be Hard

Dan is eating lots better. In fact he is eating a lot. That is great. A few days after getting home from Seattle he had a setback. One evening he was very confused and sorta unaware of things. When I asked him questions I was not getting the right response. Not even close.

I e-mailed his doctor at Virgina Mason. She said to start him on some steriods if I had some left from before. I did, so I did. He had an appt. at the cancer center here a couple days later with the main doctor. Still confused, but not quite as much. He upped his steriods and gave me a schedule to taper off them after a bit. They must have worked, things are getting better.

Still a bit slow, but able to have conversations now and do a few things. He even mowed the lawn. I did the trimmer. I don't trust him around my flowers. I would have none left. Every day is a bit better. It is slow, but at least there is progress.

Again, Thanks to all the people who have come and helped me out with things. Our son, Kris leaves Saturday to go back to school. I knew I couldn't keep up with things around here by myself, so I have a young man living here now to help out. He is taking a few classes at CBC and preparing to go on his mission for the church. He will be a LIFESAVER!!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Back Home

Dan was releashed from Virgina Mason Hospital Saturday morning. They have a technical term for his problem, but it tranlates to "paralyzed gut". Why his stomach did this is anyones guess. The treatment is a simple antibiotic call erthmyacin. One of the "side effects" of this med is that it makes your stomach work overtime. So, if your stomach isn't working at all, shazam!!!!! Weird to take a med for it's side effect.

So, Dan is home, eating and working on regaining his strength. I'm guessing it will take at least a month. Also, his white blood cell count was way low. So, he has to be real careful about germs. Very vulnerable right now. That means he can't help me with my yard work and new flower beds. Oh wait, he never did anyway.

They have also said "no more chemo". YEA!!!!! It was just to hard on him. The radiation and chemo during that is the main blast to the cancer. The next rounds of high dosage of chemo isn't effective enough to make it worth having him so sick.

Now to get him strong again so we can do all the things we want to do. Like, camping, backpacking, scuba, trips, motorcycle rides...... the list is very long.

Thanks to all the family and friends who helped during that diffucult month. Don't think we don't need any more help though. We do. I promise I won't make you bath my dog though.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Dan is in Seattle at the Virgina Mason hospital right now. He had an appt. with his cancer doctor up there on Tuesday with a MRI first. The MRI looked good. The tumor is not growing. It is responding just like they want it to. That was good news. But we have been fighting this stomach bloating issue for a month and a half. His primary care doctor here is stumped. When he saw his cancer doctor here in Tri-Cities last Friday he was so weak and dehydrated she sent him straight to the ER. They admitted him, got him hydrated with IVs, then sent him home Sunday night. Even though he still wasn't eating. [stupid hospital]

Tuesday during his appt in Seattle he was very bloated. We had just had lunch. He only ate an yogurt. His cancer doctor there was very concered about this. Especially him not getting any nutrtion. So she had him admitted there. Virgina Mason hospital is one of the best for gastrol in the country.

So finally a hospital who is making sure he gets the nutrients he needs, even though it is in IVs. They are doing more tests and hopefully will find reasons, answers and solutions.

Of course this has delayed his nexct round of chemo. He needs to regain some strength. He has an awesome view from his room up on the 17th floor. My Mom is up there with him right now. I had to come back home to hold down the fort. I am going up tomorrow.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

There and Back

Went to ER again Tuesday morning. Dan got out of bed that morning and his legs would not support him. He collasped. I was at work. He called me and I listned to part of his message on my cell phone. Quit listening and called Kris to go check on Dad. Then I told Kris to call the ambulance. Dan tried to say he didn't need it. I overruled him.

So off to ER once again. This time by ambulance. They did bloodwork and a cat scan of head. Nothing. Tried to tell me I could take him home. Wrong.... Meanwhile I'm calling his other doctors to see what I should do. They say nuerologist. I tell ER he needs a nuerologist. They admit him. Also his regular nuero doctor sees him. She orders some more tests. Cat scan of spine looks good, brain wave looks good, MRI of brain looks a little better than the last one in Dec. So nothing major going on. GOOD!!!!!

Wednesday he is doing much better and even tried getting out of bed by himself. We all yelled at him. He is also eating a whole lot better. Appetite is back and he can taste his food again. Orders lots of ice cream from the cafateria.

Today is Thursday. I brought him home. He needs to take it pretty easy until some of his strength returns. I'm thinking he is starting to understand this concept. I have threatened to duck tape him to a tree if I need to. {That could be bad. The dogs might pee on his leg then.}

So we are taking things slowly. I am making a list for when people say "what can we do to help you". If anyone is interested; this Saturday some people from our church and the posse are coming at 8:00 in the morning to put up our loafing shed that we need for the alpacas. I did give my dog a bath, so that is crossed off the list....for a while anyway!

Saturday, February 27, 2010


Brought Dan home yesterday evening. Got some new meds. He is eating lots better. Still dealing with some bloating, but not like it was. He gets tired very quickly. Just no energy at all. So now we will concentrate on getting some energy back. It will take a while.

Thanks to all the people who helped out last week. It's been a pretty rough three weeks getting everything figured out and taken care of. My brother Ken & his wife Vicki were great. I would not have made it thru all this without them.

Still trying to figure out how to sneak my dog Max, into hospitals. He would love to visit the people. I just don't have time right now to actually turn him into a "Therapy Dog".

Wish us a good week

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

More New News

Sunday, Dan's bloating and feeling terrible got bad enough I took him to the E.R. again. E.R. doc said it sounded like an esphogus problem. The on-call G.I. doc said to go ahead and admit him. (I was glad) Monday they stuck a scope down his throat to see what was going on. He does have an infection down there. Affects swallowing and such. So they are treating that and giving him appetiate stimulants. (doesn't marajuana do that? It is leagal in this state for medical use.) They won't release him till he is eating better.
He is bored in the hospital, but that is better than driving me crazy at home. Maybe I can sneak my dog, Max in or an alpaca. Just a thought.
I know I didn't spell everything correctly, but I don't care right now. :-]

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Been a while since I have posted anything. Dan caught some bug that gave him a low grade temp. So this set back his five days of major chemo a week. In that week he had a difficult time eating. Nothing tasted good. Stomache was bloated and food just seemed to stop halfway down. More weight loss. He doesn't have any extra weight to lose. So off to doctor we go. Did a x-ray of stomach, results not sure. Did bloodwork for cat scan of abs. Wait for results of bloodwork before can do cat scan. Tired of waiting. Saturday morning go to E.R. because it was getting so bad. While there doctor calls with bloodwork results, brings them over and Dan gets cat scan done. No blockage, sent home with perscription to help bloating. It worked he felt much better.
Monday afternoon he started having a severe anixity attack. (I'm talking really bad). Off to E.R. again. They gave him an IV with relaxer stuff in it. Sent home with another perscription. Had to take some during the day on Tuesday. Then it started getting bad again. I'm calling the on call doctor to find out how many I can give him. Finally got it calmed down.
Doctor appts. on Wednesday. Bloodwork looks good. What is causing these attacks? Reaction to drug to help bloated stomach. Off that drug. No more anxity. Some bloating and those problems come back.
Started high dose of chemo Wednesday. Wants to sleep A LOT. Doctor told him he needs to EAT. Can not lose any more weight. I go to store today to buy high calorie foods for him. Cookies, pies, turnovers. It was weird to be checking calorie count to see if they were high enough. Note to anyone on a diet. Stay away from really good pot pies. Over 500 calories a pie! I bought a lot of those.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


For those who are following this blog I am giving a quick spill for my "Polar Bear Plunge". This Saturday I will be willing jumping into the Columbia River. This is a fundraiser to raise money for Special Olympics. So far I have raised $1,800.00. To learn more about this and to donate go to

Now for a joke that I promised some of you.

What do you call a bear with no teeth???????????????

Give Up???????????????????

A "Gummy Bear"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that was sooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Dan has regained a lot of his energy. Not wanting to sleep all day. He continues to go walking with me and keeps up with me just fine. Now I will have to work him hard and get some things done around the place. Then he will be ready to crash again on the next five days.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Five Days of Chemo

Today is Tuesday. Last day of Five days of major dosage of chemo pill. Very exhausting for Dan. Every day more tired. I made him go for a walk with me today and for the first time ever I was able to outwalk him. It did him good to get out of the house. Even if it wasn't very far. His appetiate is down. Hopefully his energy will return during the twentytwo days off the chemo pill. We'll see.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Onward thru the fog?

Wednesday was the final day of radiation treatment. Today start higher dose of chemo (pill form). Do this for five days, then off for twentytwo days. Repeat. Back up to Seattle first part of March for a MRI & visit with Dr. Taylor. Hopefully that will show the tumor has decreased in size. In the meantime Dan is doing great. Almost off the steriods, so he is sleeping much better. His mind is a lot clearer now and the thought process works as well as it did before. His attitude is very good. Sorta, ok what do we need to do to take care of this problem and continue on with life? I think I will somewhat miss going to the cancer center on Mondays. I would work on puzzles there while I waited for him.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

three days left

Wednesday, January 13 is Dan's last day of radiation treatment. The week has gone well. He has been sleeping better even gained some weight during the week. Not a whole lot to report right now. When people ask me "How is Dan doing?" I tell them really good. Already starting to plan our summer.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Six Days Left

Six days of radiation left. Dan is doing really good. Lot's of energy. Eating a lot of food. He even put on some weight. Making plans for fun things to do now that he is retired. He is sleeping a little bit longer. Which is good. Once he is off the steriods, sleep should be easier. The doctor is reducing his steriod intake by half a pill a week. Not good to go off them suddenly. Bad things happen. The local newspaper did a article on him last week. {I am not letting all this attention go to his head.} Life has really changed for us both. We are adapting. Yesterday I decided it would be great to go spend some time on the San Juan Islands when school gets out in June. So that is the plan. I love it, no more planning around Dan's work schedule. Hmm, what else should we do???